Do not read this while drinking Diet Coke. It might come out your nose.

Nothing a little bleach can't fix...

Internet, I have done you a huge disservice. On December 1, I got you all hopped up and excited with the announcement that I will be attending the JOHN MAYER concert on February 8. Come on, admit it. You got really excited and secretly jealous in the dark corners of your heart. At the time of that post, I had grand plans to go on and on ad nauseum about John and how I love him, but alas, almost two months have passed without so much as a mention of him.

Well that ends NOW. Ladies and gentlemen, only 11 more days remain until the concert. I still don't know what I'll be wearing (I have a few outfits in mind. Maybe I should periodically change during the show?) but my camera battery is currently charging and I've rehearsed an eloquent speech which I will deliver to him should the opportunity present itself. Undoubtedly, it will sound something like this: "OMG, OMG, OMG (hyperventilating), OMG, OMG, OMG. It's you. It's really you. OMG, OMG, OMG (squealing)." I'm nothing if not articulate.

My friend John was recently featured in Rolling Stone magazine, and I'd like to leave you with the following photo. Aside from the stained t-shirt (coffee? DIET COKE?) and the dirty dishes, he's just plain dreamy.

Pet Peeve Monday

STOP. WRITING. ABOUT. POLITICS. ON. FACEBOOK.

Thank you.

After My Own Heart

Confession: I hate being late. No, like I REALLY hate being late. I'd rather be 15 minutes early and have to sit in the car in the parking lot picking my toes than be 1 minute late. Late makes my stomach hurt, my hands sweaty, my mind race.

If you ask me, early is the way to be.

Apparently, Cate Betchman agrees with me. Internet, meet Cate:

Cate was scheduled to arrive on February 8 (or maybe Feb. 7...I can't quite remember). ANYWAY, imagine my surprise when I got an early morning text message YESTERDAY announcing Cate's arrival. Thatta girl, Cate. You be early. You show the world that timeliness isn't overrated.

I think this is the beginning of a bea-u-ti-ful friendship.

(Congrats Christine and Bo!)

The Wind Beneath Their Wings

In my office, I have a "Wall of Shame." It's an innocuous-seeming bulletin board which actually contains ridiculous article clippings, ads with misspelled words, and other momentous that tickle my dry-sense-of-humor funny bone.

If the Des Moines-based IT department of my employer has a "Wall of Shame," I'm pretty sure I earned a permanent place on it today. I set off a series of events that caused the entire department to gather around one computer as they remotely accessed my desktop to try and remove the virus I (ACCIDENTALLY) downloaded to my computer. Also, I inspired a new company-wide IT security policy, which will be communicated to the entire corporation later today. What can I say? I've always been a trail blazer.

In the interest of full disclosure, can I just come clean for one moment and admit that during the three-hour ordeal, I was most nervous that they'd remove my bookmarked favorite websites from my Internet settings?

I mean, that's like 11 of my favorite blogs. Seriously.

Pet Peeve Monday

Can you imagine living here? (I lifted this picture from The Pioneer Woman.)

Can you imagine living here after a 7.0 earthquake?

I can't bring myself to Peeve today because every silly thing I can think of that gets on my nerves is nothing compared to the Peeves that must be going on for the people of Haiti. In fact, if I were to compete in a peeve-off with the nation of Haiti, I'm sure I'd be handily defeated. Competitive much?

I'm peeved because someone leaves their blinker on when they're not turning. They're peeved because they can't find their loved ones. I'm peeved because my trash can is in the wrong place (again) this morning. They're peeved because they haven't eaten in a week. I'm peeved because someone is shopping near me. They're peeved because there is no water. I'm peeved because people sit on the same side of the restaurant booth. They're peeved because every single part of life as they knew it has changed forever.

So today, there is no Peeve in Peeveland. Only positive vibes, prayers, and grief for Haiti.

I always feel like...somebody's watchin' me

I'm a little creeped out to report that I think the cleaning personnel in my office read my blog. Since my Peeve Post on Monday, the trash can has been correctly placed every single day this week, lending credence to the theory that sometimes it DOES pay to be spied upon.

To test my suspicions, I'd also like to state that I'd really appreciate someone dusting my window sill. Anyone? Anyone?

Pet Peeve Monday

Listen. Contrary to popular opinion, I do in fact have better things to do at work than play "Where's Waldo" with my trash can. Every morning when I walk in to start the day, my trash can is in a different place. Thank you, detail oriented and meticulous janitorial staff. Here's a recap of last week's action:

Tuesday:

Wednesday:
Thursday: If you're taking notes, this is the CORRECT positioning of the can:

All this begs the question...Am I or am I not on Candid Camera?

Stone Age

Confession. I still use a Rolodex. In this age of contact lists, v-cards, Blackberries, and electronic EVERYTHING, I still love my good, old fashioned Rolodex. So there. Commence heckling.

Today, as I was filing business cards from some of my (many) meetings this week, something caught my eye. I was in the "c"'s when I noticed a really small "3" printed at the bottom of the divider card. See for yourself:

And I thought "no way. It couldn't be." So I flipped to the "d"'s...and sure 'nuff, there was a "4":

Still not believing it could be true, I checked out the "e"'s...yup. A "5".

Please, pretty please tell me why a person who doesn't know the order of the letters in the alphabet would also be in need of a Rolodex. I'm stumped.

Baby Jesus? or Donald Trump? You decide:

That cheering sound you hear coming from Charleston? Yeah, that's me.

If you need the back story, click here. Otherwise, rejoice with me.

Pet Peeve Monday

I made a promise back in September. One that I plan to fulfill today. During September 28's peeve, I promised to reveal the biggest peeve of all on a dreary winter day. While the sun happens to be shining right now, it is painfully cold. In my book, 22* is dreary regardless of sunlight quantity.

So, for your reading enjoyment, I present the Grand Mother of All Peeves. I've tried in vain to get video of this one, but alas I've failed. If you thought texting while driving is dangerous, try VIDEOING while driving. (Sorry, Mom. But it's true). Here goes:

If you are so distracted and clueless while driving that you don't realize your turn signal is on when you clearly have absolutely no intention of turning anywhere, I firmly believe you should be pulled over, your license should be immediately and permanently revoked, and an unflattering photo of you in a dunce cap should be published in USA Today. What? You don't notice the flashing light on your dashboard? You can't hear the click, click, click of the signal? Pray tell, what exactly is going on in the front seat of your car that renders you oblivious to the fact that you're on an interstate highway, traveling at speeds in excess of 80 mph, and for the past 7 exits, your turn signal has been on? Pull over so I can box your ears and cut your brake lines.

I mean it. This one really, really, really PEEVES me.