Wait...what?

I had a check-up at the doctor the other day.  It was pretty much boring and uneventful, just like doctor appointments should be.  Justin Timberlake was playing in the waiting room, and it was the first time I ever wished I'd have to wait a little longer.  Apparently, I need to get out more.  Actually, CLEARLY I need to get out more.

At some point during my time with the good doctor, she asked if I had any questions.  I asked a few, and somewhere in the course of the conversation, I mentioned that I sometimes have trouble falling asleep, which is, you know, SO FRUSTRATING considering that I'm the mother of a 6-week old and often feel like someone just punched me in the stomach, what with all the lack of sleep and such.  I limp to bed, bone tired, wishing there was some way to get to bed besides having to expend the energy to walk there, and once my head hits the pillow, my mind is like one really long run-on sentence.

My thoughts aren't anxious.  They're stupid.  I think of stupid things, like how Justin Timberlake was playing in the waiting room at the doctor's office and isn't that cool and I would really like to see him in concert, but only if I could have good seats because sitting in the nosebleeds would be disappointing considering the visual he presents is such an important accompaniment to his singing and on and on and on and on and on and before you know it, 45 minutes have passed of me laying there wondering what I'd wear to this imaginary Justin Timberlake concert and SURPRISE!  It's pretty much time for Owen to eat again.

Awesome.

So I mentioned this to the doctor (leaving out most of the above detail...don't you feel privileged?), and she explained how some of that is hormonal and will go away eventually.  And then she goes, "You might also try doing something relaxing before you go to bed.  Like take a hot shower, or have a cup of hot tea, you know, something that helps you relax."

"Ok," I said.  Sounded reasonable.  Until I thought about it more later.  (Yes, while laying in bed, trying to fall asleep.)  So I should take a hot shower before bed to help me relax?  And I should do that 3-4 times each night, given that I "go to bed" multiple times each night?

Does she have any idea the havoc that would be wreaked on my skin and hair if I took 3-4 hot showers per day?  Can you even imagine the WATER BILL?  Did she totally forget that I have to fall asleep as many times as I have to wake up?   Which is, you know, MORE THAN ONCE?  At that rate, I'd end up on Oprah, being profiled for my obsessive behavior.

But there I sat, nodding like a dolt, making mental notes to take a hot shower to relax.  Sigh.

On that note, I'm off to bed.  To think about what I'd wear on Oprah.  Except that Oprah isn't on anymore.  I wonder what Oprah would wear?  I wonder if they give you wardrobe suggestions before you go on a talk show?  Like the ones our photographer sent us before our engagement photos.  I still can't believe our photographer was 20 minutes late to our wedding.  OMG...here we go again...

Connell, party of 3

Ok, so here's my attempt to sum up the birth and first month of Owen, our darling son who has spent the past 4.5 weeks bossing me around.  I have about 20 minutes until he wakes up*, or maybe less than that, or maybe more than that.  If I could, I'd write the whole thing in one long, run-on sentence because that would adequately sum up the pace of life these days.

Monday, August 12
I got a pedicure.  Hugely pregnant, I sat down in a pedicure chair next to a sweet lady who asked me when I was due.  I said, causally, "tomorrow."  Her eyes got as big as saucers and I think she spent the rest of her appointment hoping I didn't go into labor.  I'm sure it was a relaxing experience for her.  I chose coral for my toes.

Tuesday, August 13 (my due date):
I was already on maternity leave, so I probably slept in and took my sweet, sweet time getting ready to go to the doctor.  I probably even brushed my teeth.

12:10pm: Jeremy and I arrive at the doctor for our 40-week appointment.  I was 2 cm dilated, the appointment lasted about 7 minutes, and we made an appointment for the following Monday.  I felt frustrated and OVER IT.
12:45pm: Jeremy and I went to Cracker Barrel for lunch.  I attempted to drown my sorrows in biscuits and gravy.  It sort of worked.  Until the waitress asked...yep, you guessed it..."when are you due?"  "Today."  "What?!?!  Today?  What if you go into labor on a full stomach?"  Seriously.  It was the single dumbest question anyone asked me my entire pregnancy, and it happened to be the last dumb question.  Nothing like going out with a bang.  What if I go into labor on a full stomach?  Well.  I guess...I don't even know how to respond to that question.  I still don't know.  I'm sure there's a clever response, but I've yet to find it.
2:30pm (approx.): Spoke on the phone with Lin, the doula we hired to help us through labor and delivery.  Now would be a good time to disclose that Jeremy and I spent the last 3 months taking Bradley Method classes to have an unmedicated childbirth.  We decided that having an experienced, level-headed third party present might help cut down on the OMG!!!!! OMG!!!!  OMG!!!! factor, so we hired a lovely woman named Lin, who also happened to be the teacher of our classes.  I called her to tell her about our doctor appointment, basically that there was not much news to share, and she gave me a pep talk.  Told me to go do something that I really enjoy doing.  We hung up the phone and I started to consider what it is that I really like to do.
3:00pm: Kicked my pity-party to the curb and headed to Bi-Lo.  What do I really like to do?  I like to eat cake.  So I bought the stuff to make yellow cake with chocolate icing.  I made the following master piece:

5:30pm: Jeremy arrived home from work, I showed him the cake, and then cut myself a huge piece and ate every crumb.  It was good.  I can't remember what we ate for dinner, but I'm sure it was probably something along the lines of...more cake.
9:00pm: I went to the bathroom and my mucus plug fell out.  Gross.  Sorry. Called Lin to tell her.  She seemed kind of unimpressed because apparently that isn't really any indication that anything is about to happen.  Hung up the phone and went to bed.
9:50pm: Had what I thought might have been a contraction.  Since I never experienced any Braxton-Hicks during my pregnancy, I wasn't really sure if it was a contraction, but I was certain this was a false alarm and it would just go away.  After all, nobody goes into labor on their due date.  Or will a full stomach.  I went back to bed.
11:30pm: These pesky fake contractions kept happening, one every 20 minutes or so.  I kept asking Jeremy, "this isn't really it, is it?  I mean, this is going to go away, right?"  He called Lin to report the news, and she seemed a bit more impressed than she'd  been with the mucus plug report.  She told us to go to bed and call her in the morning.  Or something like that - I'm sure she was more supportive and delicate about it that that.  We attempted to go back to bed.
11:30pm - 4:30am: Contractions got closer and closer together, I was still convinced that any moment, the false alarm would sound and we'd all have a good laugh.  At around 4:30, with contractions about 7 minutes apart, Jeremy called Lin again.  This time, she seemed super impressed and headed over to our house.
5:00am: Lin arrives at our house.  The first thing I asked?  "Is this going to go away?"  Amused, she assured me that this was the real thing.  Oh.  Well then.  This is it!
5:00am - 7:00am: Labor continues at home.  Don't remember much about it, other than it hurt, Jeremy tried to sleep, and I ate some pineapple which I would later puke up.  I don't recommend eating pineapple while in labor.  I bet it's worse than going into labor on a full stomach.
around 7:30am: Because she is a genius and has done this before, Lin suggests we call the hospital.  Contractions are about 5 minutes apart, and Lin offered the inside scoop that the nurse shift change was at 7am, so the new shift of nurses were there and settled in.  Perfect timing!  Jeremy called the doctor's office, the doctor called us back.  She sounded totally asleep and confused, asked a couple of questions, and told us to go ahead to the hospital.  We gathered up our supplies (the bags that had been packed and waiting for the past 6 weeks), and hit the road.  I remember being afraid of the ride to the hospital - contractions in the car would be so much worse than contractions in a house?  Turns out contractions hurt the same amount regardless of where you are!  Fun fact!
8:10am: We arrive at the hospital (I remember the exact time because there was a digital clock behind the desk of the checker-in lady, who was sort of unimpressed with me and my labor).  I was embarrassed because I was in public wearing a bathrobe.  I mean, what if the paparazzi spied me?  The unimpressed checker-inner directed us to the elevator, we are shown to our labor and delivery room.  Game on.  This isn't going to go away now, is it?
sometime around 8:30am: The doctor declares that I am 6 cm dilated.  Whoop!
(*later, Lin confessed that, given my progress, she thought we'd have our boy in our arms by noon.  She was wrong.)
8:40am - 5:00pm approx: Labor continues.  And continues.  And continues.  We pass the time by: walking, sitting on an exercise ball, puking, taking hot baths, laying on an exercise ball, laying draped over a bed, eating blow pops, puking some more, drinking water, walking, and so on.  Throughout these hours, the status of my dilation is periodically checked.  Somewhere along the way, I got stuck at 9 cm dilated.

Totally, totally stuck.

5:00pm approx:  Labor is hard work.  That's why they call it "labor" and not "relaxing."  It is mentally exhausting.  Physically exhausting.  Emotionally exhausting.  On all levels, it is exhausting.  At hour 19, with my water broken and my spirit about the same, we arrived at a crossroads.  I was presented with the option of receiving a dose of Pitocin, which might help speed and strengthen my contractions to get that last 1 cm out of the way.  Key word: might.  No guarantees that it would work.  The only guarantee would be that things would get even more intense.  Even more painful.  Even harder than they'd been over the past 19 hours.

Lin and the doctors and Jeremy, with all the enthusiasm they could muster:  "Sit in this rocking chair.  We'll give you a dose of Pitocin.  We'll wait an hour and check again."

Me:  "No."

Long, long, story short, I ended up getting an epidural, at hour 19 and with 1 cm left to go.  I tapped out.  I was done.  Finished.  I fought the good fight and I didn't have any fight left.  After the glorious, wonderful epidural, I rested for about an hour, pushed for awhile (not sure how long) and was finally convinced that labor wasn't just going to go away.

9:45pm:  BAM.

Owen Francis Connell II, named after Jeremy's sweet dad, arrived on the scene.  8 pounds, 10 ounces, 21 inches long.  Red hair.

Love this picture of Jeremy, arriving in the waiting room to spread the news:

Proud papa

Owen arrived after 23.5 hours of labor, 19 of them unmedicated.  It was an awesome experience, and I'm only a little sad we didn't make it all the way without an epidural.  But I'm proud of what I did accomplish, and even more proud that Owen arrived safely and healthfully.

A few more pictures from the hospital:

Jeremy with my parents.  Waiting.

Owen meeting Grandie

Connell, party of 3

Getting ready to leave the hospital

My first-ever ride in a wheel chair.  Wheeeeeeee!

Our royal baby.  

I hope to blog soon about some of our experiences over this first month.  Owen is such a good baby.  He has several tricks, including eating, pooping, peeing, spitting-up, crying, being cute, smelling good, loving bath time, gaining weight, and being so, so cute.  He performs each trick several times every day.  Even though it has been a TOUGH adjustment, Owen really has taken it easy on us, and we are so thankful for him.  What a sweet little life, and we get to share it with him.

Also, sometimes he cries.

Proof

*It ended up taking me approximately 7 hours and 15 minutes to finish this entry.