Germs. On purpose.

There's no easy way to say this. I'm not usually an alarmist, but I feel obligated to let you know. I have Hepatitis A. And Hepatitis B. And Polio. And Typhoid. And Influenza. And sometime soon, I'll also have Malaria.

In other words, I've been vaccinated. And I have germs. In my body. Injected in my arms (yes, both arms). On purpose. The kind of germs that a Clorox wipe and shower can't fix. And to be quite honest, I feel gross about it.

For my next trick, I plan to send a heartfelt note of apology to my immune system. And maybe a gift card for a massage.